Why should I Forgive and How?
““You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.””
I grew up with three siblings, my older brother, and my younger twin sisters. We were all very close in age, literally within 4 years of each other. That’s right. My parents had four kids under four at one point. I think they’ve almost recovered by now!
Not only that but we used to fight all the time. The problem for me was I never won. For the longest time, I couldn’t win against my older brother because he was bigger, stronger, and quicker-witted than me and yet I couldn’t win against my younger sisters because it was always two-on-one. Don’t worry we seemed to have figured it out by now and I love seeing my siblings!
Now I’m a parent and I’m seeing some of the same conflicts with my one-year-old and three-year-old. My daughter will see my son playing with a toy and she’ll sprint across the room, and yank the toy out of his hands, declaring that she was, in fact, playing with it, even though she forgot the toy even existed five minutes ago.
What has warmed my heart though is when I see them run up to each other and give a huge hug. Can I tell you something? Nothing makes me happier as a father than seeing my children love each other.
I believe the same is true for God.
You see the Rabbis taught that all the law and prophets, all of the scriptures could be summed up in this idea: Love God and Love your Neighbor. However, they found a grey area in who their neighbor was. It is the same situation as the good Samaritan. If I can choose who my neighbor is, then I don’t have to worry about who I need to love or not.
We then control who we choose to love.
Yet Jesus tells us, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven.” - Matthew 5:43-45a
Love your enemies! Pray for those who persecute you! God is a father who loves to see his children love one another, so that you may be children of your father in heaven - What does that mean? What does a Child do? They take after their parent.
In his book Forgive the late Tim Keller talks about four central ideas that forgiveness requires, otherwise, it is not real forgiveness.
Forgiveness recognizes the wrong as wrong. This is different than excusing it. We recognize the action as warranting a cost, it is a punishable offense. We are not instructed by God to overlook sin, but face it head-on and bring it to the light. Yet we don’t stop there.
Forgiveness warrants empathy. In other words, we remember that those who offend us are like us. Fellow sinners who have been created in the image of God. Empathy must be experienced in order for forgiveness to become an action worth considering.
Forgiveness releases the offender. This isn’t merely ignoring the offense. If you come and ask to borrow $1,000 and then are unable to pay it back, and you beg forgiveness, what happens if I forgive you? I accept the debt. The debt itself, the weight of it, doesn’t just vanish, instead, I absorb the cost of that debt while releasing your responsibility to atone for that debt. This is what Christ does for us on the cross.
Finally, forgiveness keeps reconciliation as the goal. When we grant forgiveness we seek and are open to the restoration of the relationship. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” - Romans 12:18
Tim had said, “If you are missing even one of these, you are not experiencing real forgiveness.”
I have written on this before in a blog post but I’ll say it again because this is the fundamental thing that sets Christ's followers apart. We are called and commanded by Jesus to practice the costly act of forgiveness. You can choose to resent or you can choose to forgive. Resentment is the tool we use to transform our hate into hurt. Forgiveness is the tool God uses to transform our hurt into freedom.
The incredible reality is that you and I can have the ability to forgive if and when we experience the incredible forgiveness that God extends to us. This is how we love our enemies, with the hope that real relationships and reconciliation would take place to the glory of God.
May the God of all comfort, give grant you grace, and let that grace transform you so that you too can be a child of God, loving those who hate you.
